I told myself I'd never change journals, but I'm a sheep, I guess. I've had a lousy year as far as 'life in general' goes and as cliche as it sounds, I just need a bit of a change, even if it does start with my journal.

I'm moving over to illusivespatula and, again with the cliche-ness, I'm giving you guys the opportunity to cut ties with me, if you so desire. If you no longer wish to read my entries or if you feel swamped by all of your other friends, then please, you do not have to follow me, I will hold no grudges. As Brian Kinney once said, "No Apologies, No Regrets".

I love you all dearly and, whether or not you add my new journal, I've had a lot of fun.

Thank you. :)

Current Mood: good

It was my Birthday last Saturday (30th) and I turned the big 2-0. Dun dun duuun! I don't feel any different, so stop asking! :P On Thursday night, my beautiful muffins Sarah, Simone and Jenny, took me out to see The Devil Wears Prada, which was fabulous! After that, we went for a very quick coffee, as I had to work the next day, meaning I had to be up at 6:50 AM. Dear God. I wanted to stay out all night and partay, but I'm an old fart now and I just can't. ::cue violin:: They also got me some gorgeous gifts; Sarah gave me a wonderful book on Photography Techniques, which I've read from cover to cover and, admittedly, gotten lost along the way, lol, Simone gave me a gorgeous photo frame which I plan to put pictures of my girls in (be prepared for a day of photo taking, gals!) and Jenny Bean gave me a beautiful crucifix necklace. ^___^ I miss them all so much, it's not fair.

Friday night, dearest Michelle-chan and I went out to see Friends With Money which was pretty un-fabulous overall, though it had a lot of laughs in between, and we went for dinner at the Hog's Breath restaurant, which was...greasy. XD I got so excited over the curly fries but really, they were quite ewky! The rest of the night was spent watching Invader Zim and Queer As Folk - by "the rest of the night", I really mean until 1 AM when we both dropped off. :P She, too, gave me some absolutely awesome gifts consisting of the series of Angelic Layer (oh em gee!), an Initial D soundtrack with the song "Speedy Speed Boy" and some Hello, Kitty! Pocky-type stuff. XD My friends know me so well!

Saturday, Michelle-chan and I had breakfast with my mum and dad which included pancakes, croissants (oh dear, sp?) and fresh berries. Yuuum! My apologies to Michelle if I seemed moody, I had a mother of a headache! Then my mutti and I drove Michelle to her new place and had a look around, it's actually a very nice little set up, I was impressed! ^_^ Then in the afternoon, Tim came over and he gave me two new books to read - Carrie by Stepehn King and The Exorcist by William Peter Blatty - $100 for a new camera lens and a stuffed Elephant! XD His sister also gave me some jelly dinosaur lollies, which are always awesome. Pretty soon after he came over, I went for a nap because I'm rude like that. :P When I woke up, Tim, mum and I hung out in our backyard eating dip and biscuits while Tim and I played with our cameras. Then my Oma and Opa came over for dinner, which was lovely - they bought over some turkey! :P I went to bed pretty early that night, though, because I was so tired. My mum and dad gave me 20 matchboxes wrapped in wrapping paper, each containing $10. It was so cute! My brother, too, gave me $50.

The next day, my extended family from mum's side came over in the morning to celebrate my Birthday, but Tim and I had to leave early because we found a great deal on a lens I was looking at and had to rush to the city to get it. :P I am now the proud owner of a Canon EF 70-200 f/2.8L USM lens, it weighs over a kilogram (2.2 lb) but dang, I love it...I think. It cost more than some cars do, but I'm sure I'll get over that. In time. When I'm in a Nursing Home.

Other than that, I haven't updated because life's pretty boring right now, I was sick again last week with tonsillitis, making it the sixth or so time I've been sick this year, but I worked for an entire week (40 hours) while some of the other staff were away on holidays; I only did it because I wanted a new lens, but it was grueling.

Our internet is running really pathetically lately, I think my brother's downloading too much Stargate. ><

I think I'm going to work on a new layout soon. This is just saaad.

Current Mood: lazy

I want to walk into a shop one day, pick up a size 14 pair of pants and say, "I'll go and try this on!" Even if I am still in a size 16, I want it to at least be easily fitted. I want to go clothes shopping with Jenny or Carissa and not feel ashamed of who I am.

I said that long ago in some random entry, and it's now true, and yet, I still don't feel much difference. :P

I've been going through a lot of older entries and I've realised many things about myself:

• I used to rant a lot and, upon reflection, all of it was so petty.
  
• I had some wonderful arguments and debates.
  
• I liked the word "cunt".
  
• I was in denial about my weight.
  
• Tim and I had some maaajor issues which I've forgotten about. Until now. It's amazing we're still together.
  
• I was completely up myself, even though I ranted and raved about others who were up themselves.
  
• I ws a complete bitch to some people and there are many things I now regret saying/doing.
  
• I could be quite depressing.
  
• I used to have a lot of online friends who I now sorely miss, including those of you who are still around, such as minyafalas, spatulistic, kennysgoddess, irishgemini, thatjamiegirl, and, very importantly, kyleisgod...
  
• Jenny and I were so close, it seemed, and I miss that very much.
  
• I once had a sense of humour.

I miss the old days some times, especially my old friends. I miss you all so much and I miss "funny Amy" because now, I'm just like a droning wasp with the same, monotonous hum. I used to have spark...I was never afraid to say what I felt.

One thing's for sure, though, I've grown up tremendously.

My God, Steve Irwin...yesterday I was in utter shock - "that's impossible" - today I was struck with grief and cried twice. I honestly can't believe he's gone; the man was so full of life and energy and was practically immortal in my eyes. My deepest sympathies are with his dear family right now. Did you see Australia Zoo? Wow...just wow. Also, fuck you to all of those unsympathetic and heartless pricks out there who have already began circulating the jokes. The man's barely been dead for 24 hours - do you think you're funny? Well, you're not, you're fucking pathetic.

Rest In Peace, Steve Irwin. Your memory will always live on.

--

Anyway, in other news, I received my Deakin University form today that I have to send back, stating that I want to go next year. It's so daunting, a new wave of fear and uncertainty has washed over me - it's not too late to back out, I don't have to sign, let's just run away and hide...but no, I have to do this. I want to do this. I think. Yes. To have my work marked by professional writers and photographers...holy crap, I'm scared.

I also got my new Pension card. Whoooo.

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Current Mood: crushed

My mum and I were on the train early Tuesday morning because we were headed for the city to pick up my new contact lenses. While sitting there, bored, my eyes gazed around the train aimlessly until I saw Him. No, not God (though that's a matter of opinion), but the hottest piece of Asian ass I have ever seen. By crikey, I swear I was looking directly at HYDE. The hair that hung over his eyes and around his neck - instant shivers, my friends. The best part about him was that he spoke fluent English with no accent. I could understand him crystal clear while he talked to his Asian friend who sat opposite him (who was cute, but nowhere near as cute as him). Never has the topic of Calculus been so captivating. I sat there and watched and listened all the way to Camperwell as they compared their Universities (He goes to Melbourne, the genius) and the size of their text books, His being the size of a White Pages (dear Lord). Suddenly, I could no longer see the shining beauty that sat diagonally to my right as somebody sat down and put their fat head in the way. I sighed and put my earphones in and listened to some Initial D, catching a glimpse every now and then between shoulders. As I stepped off the train, I stood next to him briefly; his friend was no longer present so his eyes were down, his hair hanging in his face. Haaaaahhhhh...

Anyway, yes. Contact lenses. XD I have brand spankin' new ones that are red as red can be (which is a good thing) and I can finally see outside again! Which is fabulous because Tim and I are going on our three day holiday to Gippsland this weekend. ::bounce:: Yee, I'm so excited! Three whole days of "us" time. ^_^ We're wonderful when we're alone with nobody bugging us. I just hope the weather treats us fairly. ::fingers crossed::

As I was reading a few people's journal entries and talking to a couple of people also, I've concluded that, for most people, this has been a pretty "meh" year. People have been confused, upset or just moody due to big changes or, like me, "identitity crisis" - yes, lately I've been contemplating "me" and who I really am when I'm not with anyone. With Tim, I'm one Amy, but with my friend Carissa (for example), I'm another. Who am I when I'm alone? What do I enjoy doing? I think this year has been bad in the sense that I've had too much free time to just sit and think which leads to over-analysis. My brain has not been properly stimulated or challenged; work is great, but I'm not there enough during the week. All of this confusement (is that even a word?) has led me to make some pretty big decisions.

I've decided to go to Uni next year. Stop the press, alert the media! I've been contemplating this for a couple of weeks now and have talked to very few about it, but I'm happy with this decision.

( Just some stuff about subjects for next year )

I'm not going to to to Uni in the hopes that I can one day be a best-selling author or world-renowned photographer, I'm going to Uni so that I can fine-tune my skills in both writing and photography, which are things I enjoy doing with a passion, and to help re-discover "me". If I can incorporate what I learn in the future, then that's fantastic, but I'm not going to set unreal expectations for myself. I am going to look at next year the way many others do, I'm going to start a fresh page or turn a new leaf. I'm going to make new friends (not straight away, of course) and I'm going to find out who Amy really is and what wonderful things she is capable of. I'm going to pry open and pull apart both my permanent writer's and photographer's block and learn some new skills. I'm also going to bring my own lunch so I don't get poor and fat.

Huzzah!

In other news, I am still on the crappy family computer with it's crappy crappiness. I bought a new router, like the tech dude suggested, but damned if he can get his ass out here to help us set it up. Oyoyoy. ><; I'm so over this computer now, it's pathetic. Did you hear me? Pathetic! Raaaghgrihr~! The monitor is shocking, too, because when I transferred some of my photos over, they look completely underexposed and cruddy, though they look ten times better on my computer. Feh!

In other other news...no, that's pretty much it! Oh, yeah, Tim and I have been watching Anatomy For Beginners and watched Gunther (teehee!) cut a penis (which was black and blue) right down the middle. Oprah would have had a field day, I'm sure.

Foccachias for dinner. Yummm. XD

Current Mood: excited

Tooomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! You're only a daaaaay aaaaa-waaaaayeeeeee! ::windows shatter::

Tomorrow is the big day that a new love will come into my life and that love will be...my new camera. Yes, yes, I know I blab about it on such an irritating level but soon that blabbing will be over and, by God, you'll miss it. :P I've decided against going to Ted's Camera House to buy it and have instead decided on Croydon Camera House because I called today and spoke to a lovely man named Dale who already offered a great deal over the phone. When I tried to call my beloved Adam at Ted's, he was not there, so I could not compare offers. ::sob:: I really wanted to speak to him and hoped he could offer me better but I had to make my decision today so that I'm not wasting anyone's time tomorrow by quoting my battle cry "I don't know". Yes, I'm a big girl now and this is a decision I had to make on my own. I love Adam dearly but...you know. Besides, I still have $181 store credit at Ted's, so he'll see me again. Our love will triumph! Note: Adam, if you ever read this (which is highly doubtful), kindly disregard the above paragraph. ^_^ So I think I'll spend my store credit on frames and stuff. Yes. XD

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it, I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! (that's a bit sexual)

In other news...well, there basically isn't any. O_o I'm dirt poor right now, so I haven't been out anywhere. For the past couple of weekends Tim and I have just been spending our weekends watching a plethora of movies. ZOMG I watched Edward Scissorhands! SAD! I CRIED! A LOT! Tim Burton is warped. Warped I say! ><; It was a terrific film, though...just sad. We also watched Boo which was just embarrassing - we also watched Godsend, Date Movie, Interview With A Vampire, Legend of Zorro, Possessed, the entire series of Azumanga Daioh (anime) which I loved and a crapload more that I can't remember right now. Oh, and we began to watch High School Musical but didn't even make it halfway. XD He and I are also going away to Foster in a few weeks for three nights; it was totally his idea and he really wants me to get out there and play with my new camera. He's so sweet! He'll be covering accommadation and I'll be covering food and meals and we're both splitting the petrol, or at least, that's what I think is happening. Heh. XD There's no TV where we're staying, LOL, so we might bring our own. We'll see! Either way, I'm really excited.

One of my best friends of fourteen-or-so-years, Carissa, and I are rekindling our old flame by starting a weekly get-together every Thursday afternoon for lunch. We hardly ever see each other anymore, about once every five or so months (O_O) which is ridiculous. We used to see each other every single weekend and called each other constantly during the week. Then we discovered a thing called penis boys and began to see each other less and less, which is really sad. She has also said that she and her guitar would be happy to pose for me and my camera some time, so I'm wrapped. ^_^

I'll also be asking some of my other smexy friends to pose for portraits later on down the track. None of this "I'm ugly/fat/pimply/manly/pointy/wonky/lopsided" nonsense.

As you can see, I caved into the Internet's seductiveness and am currently sitting at the family computer where my bum and back are both ganging up on me. Beh. This monitor is so curvy and reflective, it's so hard to read. O_o Haha, this computer only has 517 MB of space left!

I might go now and readjust my spine. Wish me luck for tomorrow and, if you have a DeviantArt account, add me and I'll add you back! My name is IllusiveSpatula. Whoa.

Current Mood: ecstatic

Hey ho,

So, my Internet went down on Wednesday and, though it's back on the main computer, I can't get it back on mine (yet), so I have no idea when I'll get to check my lovely friend's page. >_____< I could always use the family computer but the chair makes my bum sore, so I don't think I'll bother. Plus it's really slow and chuggy. O_o We rang Optus twice and they kept trying to blame the router for our drop-outs and slower than dial-up speeds, but come on. They sent a technician out today to fix the main computer so now David (brother) and I have to try and fix the network which took us forever to do in the first place. Yargh! I'm not happeh.

Anyway, I'm off to Tim's tonight (I'm at work right now - um ah) so I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and I hope it won't be too long before I can catch up with you all again. If you want to, please email me and let me know how you are.

Adieu!

Current Mood: sleepy

For the past few weekends I have been at Tim's house, and loving it. At his house, I get quality sleep (something I rarely get here for various reasons) and, I don't know, we just have a lot of fun there. Of course we have fun here, too, but it's different...maybe it's just because it's a change in environment for me because I'm at home quite often these days. Who knows. Either way, I'm going to his house again this weekend and then out to lunch with his grandparents on Monday. We have to be at there house at exactly 11:55 AM. Haha. XD It should be nice. The weekend after, we'll be at my house again and I'll (hopefully) be buying my camera. Huzzah! I can't wait.

Speaking of cameras, I actually did end up selling my Pentax *ist DS to Peta (Tim's sister) for $550 which included camera and 18-55mm lens, camera bag, rechargeable camera batteries and charger, plus all of the Pentax software and various cables. The camera I'm going to buy only takes Compact FlashT (CF) card Type I or Type II standard as its data storage so, unless that means "SD Card" (which I don't think it does) she'll also be given my 256 MB SD card, too. Does anybody know what these Compact FlashT (CF) card Type I or Type II standard are? Are they the mini SD cards, or what? :/ I hate the fact that I may have to buy a new card when I get my new camera, it's gay. omg she said gay~!!1 I don't think Ted's will do any real "deals" with me, either. Bleh.

Haha, in relation to photography, I emailed my old History teacher's death metal band, Synthetic Breed, last night and asked what their policy was on photography at their concerts. I received a reply about half an hour later from Vincent (not Mr. Bahlo ::tear::) and he said it's fine, but he prefers non-flash. Ooh, exciting. So, when Michelle and I get off our bums and go to see them, I'll be prepared. I hear they're playing some time in August in Geelong...O_o

I think there must have been a full moon last night because our animals were all a wee bit psycho. The cats were randomly pooping around the house (gross), one of our cats peed down the heating vent in the bathroom (not nice), Kit Kat (one of our cats) jumped on one of my bedside tables and knocked it over, almost breaking a light, and the dogs are just barking at nothing and randomly running around the house. :/ It's a bit strange, aside from one of the cats peeing down the heating vent; that was most likely done by Fluffy, our anorexic, lactose intolerant cat who has dementia. I really don't want to have a shower now, it absolutely stinks in the bathroom and I'm not sure how to combat this...perhaps I should throw lavender-drenched cotton balls down there? Will that start a fire? O_o

As you can see, my life is extremely full-on right now. XD

Current Mood: happy, but with a headache

Michelle and I went on a date today and saw Fast and the Furious 3: Tokyo Drift - all I can say is LMFAOEHEHEOMGLAMECHEESEYHOTT! XD Really, the movie was just as good as it was bad; the acting was quite terrible, parts of the plot were ridiculous (i.e. Why send your son to Tokyo during his last year of high school when he doesn't speak the language? Aside from the fact he's running from the law and all), the music didn't really suit but, damn, it was so amusing. There were quite a few hot Asian boys, too, none of which were the main characters, of course, though I fell in love with Han. ^_^ and v_v The drifting scenes were suspenseful and GAH~! It was fun! We also had a sandwich. Yay, sandwich!

Cooolllddd.

Current Mood: giggly

Photo meme is up-to-date! Go on over and have a look, if you like! If you want to see something in the world of Amy, let me know and I'll see what I can do. ^^;

( Survey. Yaaay. )

Current Mood: mellow